(Ad)vice

from the Vice-Charmseller:

He Knows About Vice!

In this new Pravda column we table your queries about Life, the Universe, and how to cheat withhout getting detected, to Rending's most notable purveyor of the Black Arts, the Vice Charmseller.

Dear Charmseller

I am a first-year student and I'm wondering about the Exams this Summer. How can I cheat and not get detected?

    Well it's quite simple. Send me your firstborn when you have children so that I can enslave them as an apprentice. As an advance payment, drain a little blood from your right arm and send it to me in a phial of the purest crystal. Then, when your results come through my office I'll make some judicious adjustments on your behalf.

I am studying Weather Patterns here at Rending and I'm wondering why it never rains over your office but the rest of the Unversity is soaked, particularly the Student's Onion.

    Well, I've been a Charmseller for many, many years and one thing I've learned is that it's easy to stay dry, if you know how.

Why is the Floyd's Bank building, Knackered Horse House, so hideously ugly?

    That is the result of a pact between a bank and the Devil. Surprised?

The Charmseller answers more of your queries next month. Send in yours to Pravda at ltu96abw@rdg.ac.uk and we'll pass them on.

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