The Pravda Toxic List
    some unpleasant things and how to avoid them


      Firstly, pineapples (see accompanying article) which are a particularly unpleasant species. I'm only saying that so you'll give them all to me and I can eat them in secret.

      Secondly, marmalade. Ever so tempting, the Spawn of Oranges, but avoid it. And avoiding it is so easy when you know how.

        Just take one jar of marmalade. It needn't be yours. Crime is no concern of mine.

        Open the lid. Now this is the time of greatest temptation, but resist it. Do not even allow yourself the luxury of a tiny taster. Take the open jar, and, holding it upside down, position a bin so as to catch the falling 'lade.

        There you are. Stage one over. Now complete the therapy in your own time.

      Thirdly...