|
|
Missing Persons Pravda won't find your long-lost relatives, and indeed if Pravda found your long-lost socks it would subject them only to a long hard stare to assess them for sensational journalistic content before being overcome by the fumes. |
Mike, 29, last seen November 1994, dressed in Bermuda shorts, Hawaiian shirt and Angora sweater. Mike's friends heard him say that he would just hop behind a wall and pick his nose. Five minutes later, they turned around to find that he'd disappeared. They carefully checked the crew accommodation, galleys and loading bay of the UFO parked at the nearby meter, but could find no trace of their friend. Then they waited three years before alerting the Police, claiming straws in their hair. Mike's parents are worried about his safe return, and would like to hear from anyone who keeps tame parakeets. Stu Pendous, 21, the notorious 'Big Headed Bully' of TV's 'Big Headed Bully' fame. May have head caught in bathroom hardware. Approach with caution. If found, retune to Channel 5.
|
Lost and found Pravda often finds interesting facts lurking in dark corners. Normally these are sold on to relevant intelligence agencies, but occasionally they are forgotten. |
Lost: Motorway. Grey coloured, roughly 50 metres wide, many kilometres long, answers to name of 'M6'. Last seen heading north up the Lune Gorge in Cumbria. Maybe frightened or anxious. Contact Highways Authority with information. Found: Campus. Comes complete with students and potato peeling adapter. Staircases feature prominently. Returned to rightful owner upon admission of responsibility. Bless this readership and all who sail in her. |