Whatever happened to the Mr. Men?

In its quest for never-before revealed stuff Pravda has unearthed shocking news of old favourites the Mr. Men. Penned by one M. Oakley, the only survivor of the straw-boating accident that claimed the good ship Truth Forum, this is one of many gems recovered from the flotsam of that fateful day. It is reproduced in its original form because we're lazy and the sun was making our heads hurt.

Whatever happened to the Mr. Men, from the archives of Truth Forum

Each week Truth Forum will metaphorically dig up the grave of a metaphorical group, or personality that the metaphoric world has long considered metaphorically dead. This week, we examine the 2-d maestros of mirth, that the 80s called the Mr. Men.

These comical characters were many in number and their hit TV series prompted major merchandising in the form of books, tapes and now even T-shirts. But where are those many amazing young fellas now? Well...

As you know, many of the original cast were killed when the Mr Men tour plane crashed over the Alps. Steve Quiet, Keith Small, Paul Tall, Terry Grumpy and Fernando Skinny all lost their lives in the accident, as did Dave Clumsy who was flying the plane. The only survivor was Ken Strong, author of the best-seller What It's Like to Eat Your Mates. Other actors from the show who have passed on include Frank Worry, who died of a stress-related illness and Tony Snow who melted in July 1993. Dan Sneeze shot himself after years of medical care found his cold could not be cured. Colin Messy who was rubbed out by the same children who ate Trevor Jelly last year. And of course Chuck Noisy was murdered in 1989, by Mr. Nonsense when he went on his No-Nonsense killing rampage before turning the gun on himself. Derek Clumsy escaped death sixteen times during a series of accidents and mishaps on his farm in Devon, in which he lost both his legs, an eye and his chin.

Meanwhile, Dan Happy, now aged 42 continues his charity work and his campaign for the legalisation of Prozac. Bob Greedy is a bulimic manic-depressive who weighs a staggering 45 stone. Frank Nosey is an investigative journalist for a Sunday newspaper, who is about to be sued by members of the royal family for indecent photography.

And, speaking of indecency, Len Tickle is about to begin his 6 year sentence for lewd acts commited in a two mile radius of his home in Acton. He denies ever leaving his luxury apartment during the crimes, a story backed up by his friend who was never seen in the cartoon but who can be heard playing a piccolo in some episodes. The campaign for his freedom continues, but there seems no chance of appeal.

Dexter Muddle has now been officially reborn as Doreen Muddle, and works as a counsellor for transvestites. Ron Mean and Samuel S. Fussy worked as business partners in a successful enterprise which has earned them millions of pounds. Barnstable Uppity was less fortunate - he lost all his inheritance on a game of pitch-and-toss shortly after he left the show.

Chester Funny and Billy Silly (formerly Keith Silly) were voted best breakfast radio show by the listners of Radio Quick magazine, and can be seen touring the country in the Radio Kent Roadshow Funbus. Stan Bump has been unable to hold down any steady job since leaving the TV series, a story which rings true for Graham Wrong, Sean Lazy and Morgan Slow. Tom Busy runs a number of charity events across the world. Anthony Clever now teaches CDT to sixth-formers and Michael Rush (half-brother of Welsh international Ian Rush), is now a professional athlete who has broke a number of world records for running really quick. Science disproved the existance of Mr. Impossible and Mr. Daydream. Mr. Forgetful has not been seen at his registered address for several years.

Few people realise that a number of Mr Men were taken on as replacements as the cast depleted. Does anyone out there remember any of these comical characters: